Akatsuki’s magical adventure of doom and stuff
by green pigeon
Summary: The Akatsuki need to do some binge shopping so what better place to go than Big Lots? The only problem is no one knows where that is.  WARNING: contains crack


**_A/N: Hi I haven't written a story in a looooong time so I am back from a long Hiadeus to well write one. So yeah please tell me what you think and if you review you will get a cookie!_**

_Disclamier: i DON"T ow naruto Jaws or MR. coffee bran machines I do own cookies though so take that!_

Daaaaaadaa daaaaada dadadadadadadadadaItachi yawned and rolled over _That Damn Kisame and his stupid limited edition Jaws alarm clock_! He thought annoyed, Itachi wasn't a morning person, or an afternoon person, or an evening person for that matter, but he especially hated being woken up. He tried putting a pillow over his head but the alarm clock still played. He looked over towards his partner wondering why the hell he wasn't turning it off and say Kisame dancing to it.

"Kisame you idiot what do you think you are doing?" Itachi yelled trying to scare his partner by activating the Mangekyo Sharingan,

Kisame stopped and smiled "I was just you know ummmm dancing."

"Dancing? We don't dance, we are fierce Akatsuki members! S ranked criminals! All cower before our awesome might!" Itachi preached stepping out of bed.

Kisame thought about this for a moment, he shrugged and continued dancing. Itachi watched his partner, his left eye twitching as the stupid music continued to play. He calmly walked over to it and slowly pushed it off of the table. Then he proceeded to stomp on the small pieces, burn them with a handy fire ball jutsu and flush the ashes down the toilet. Kisame stared at Itachi "Why?"

"Why? You want to know why?!?!?!?" Itachi shouted.

Kisame slowly nodded.

"Well for starters it was annoying, I am also convinced it was an evil demon from hell that sought my demise and-" Itachi fell back and screamed.

"What's wrong? Did you see a spider? Is it on me? Oh god kill it kill it!" Kisame screamed jumping up and down, rolling on the floor, and having what looked like a seizure.

"My-my perfect job ruined!" Itachi yelled holding his left index finger out towards the now epileptic Kisame. There on the right upper corner of his perfectly painted nail was a chip. "Oh whoa is me now how am I expected to go outside with this catastrophe I knew today was going to be a bad day they might as well cut off my entire hand now its completely useless, just kill me now Kisame let me die slowly and painfully." Itachi began crying and rolling around on the floor screaming "Kill me!" every so often. At first it was quite fun watching his partner in a n emotional slump but after the first hour it was getting annoying.

"Why don't you repaint them?" Kisame suggested

"Be-because I don't have any nail polish left." Itachi replied in between sobs.

"Oh well it's a lost cause then!" Kisame said exciting their room and skipping towards the dinning room/breakfast nook, his stomach already growling.

Deidara yawned and slowly made his way to the kitchen. Everyone thought he was naturally a morning person but without his trusty buddy mister coffee, he shuddered he didn't even want to know what would happen. He smiled as he saw his happy caffeine dispensing friend on the counter. "Hi buddy did you miss me? Well I missed you! Yes I did, Now who's my favorite coffee machine? You are! That's right." He always thought that the best coffee came not from beans but from a happy machine. "Now let me just go the beans." Deidara said walking off towards the cupboard.

"Toby is a good boy! Lalalalalaaa!" Toby sang skipping into the kitchen, he was going to play Mr. Cook with the real oven since Zetsu stepped on his easy bake oven last time he made brownies. He wasn't sure where they kept the food so he decided to use his imagination and pretend that the wired black blinking thing that he saw Diedara talking to was food. Toby proceeded to throw it in the oven and set it for 475 degrees, he liked things crispy.

"I'm back my happy little-" Deidara stopped his eyes wide, the coffee machine wasn't where he left it, he was pretty sure that coffee machines don't fly or sprout legs, _so where did it go? _He thought looking under the table.

"Hello Deidara Toby wants to know if you are having a good day?" Toby asked waving,

Deidara slowly turned around "Toby you wouldn't happen to touch or destroy or see my Mr. coffee have you?"

"Do you mean the blinkie thing? Toby is pretending its food." Toby smiled he liked playing with others maybe Deidara would play cook with him.

"What? what did you do with Mr. coffee where is he?" Deidara yelled grabbing Toby.

"Toby is a good boy so he will tell you; Me put It in the oven so its nice and crispy the way Toby likes it!"

"What? NO!" Deidara ran to the oven throwing it open, he was met with a wisp of black smoke, but would not give up, not when his poor innocent friend was suffering. He reached in and yanked out a half melted machine, but he quickly dropped it because in his rush he forgot that oven hot.

"Mr. Coffee stay with me don't go to the light stay here!" Deidara begged but he knew it was too late. He turned towards Toby who smiled and waved at him, and in a final act of revenge for poor Mr. Coffee he pounced on Toby."

Zetsu cringed as he heard Toby's loud screams from the kitchen, which meant someone was probably beating him up, he would go watch a soon as his business was down. He smiled at his small vegetable garden, he had recently planted tomatoes and they were starting to sprout, in a couple of weeks he would be able to harvest his small veggies and make THE BEST SALAD EVER! That was his ultimate goal in life and he was finally going to achieve it . He reached for his watering can when he saw IT, aphids a plants worse nightmare "NO!!" he screamed.

Sasori looked around, nobody seemed to be close he slowly walked to his closet and pulled out a small shoe box, he carefully opened it and took out a Barbie doll. "Oh Barbie one day I will make a puppet just as cool you!" He said hugging it. "What's that Barbie?" Sasori asked bringing the doll towards his ear. "Who is this ken of which you speak of!? Well if he makes you happy then I shall get you one!" Sasori heard screaming coming from the kitchen and quickly sheathed his doll and made his way to the kitchen.

"I am the leader I am the leader lalalalalala." The Leader sung to himself while skipping to the bathroom, he had the latest issue of Pizzazz weekly under his arm and he was looking forward to a nice relaxing time. He slowly opened the door, and his eyes widened in shock. "What the hell? There's no toilet paper!" He exclaimed. The leader proceeded to grab a roll from the cabinet and after replacing it he noticed the toilet was backed up. "What the hell? Is that brunt ashes of Kisame's beloved alarm clock? God I hated that thing!"

The toilet started to over flow now, and The leader not sure what to do backed away slowly from the bathroom and started to run to the kitchen. As he got there he say Deidara chocking Toby, Sasori and Zetsu watching and Kisame eating fruit loops. The Leader grabbed a chair and asked. "Where's Itachi?"

"In an emotional slump why?" Kisame answered, forgetting his mouth was full of cereal.

The Leader slowly wiped away Kisame's breakfast from his face and continued, "Well the toilet is backed up and I wanted to host a meeting to decide who was going to buy a new one."

"Why don't we just hire a plumber?" Sasori asked.

"Because last time Toby was trying to get him to play monopoly and Zetsu eat him."

"I said I was sorry!" Zetsu said turning around.

"Oh and we need a coffee machine!" Deidara said dropping Toby who proceeded to wave after hearing his name.

"Er-okay." The leader said becoming creeped out at Toby's waves."

"Oh and a new Jaws limited edition alarm clock!"

"And bug spray!"

"And accessories for my erm puppets!"

"And new nail polish!"

"And Toby wants a new easy bake oven!"

"Okay where can we go that has everything we need and is as sinister as we are?" The Leader asked.

"I know the perfect place." Itachi said smiling, he recovered from his emotional slump at the prospect of being able to purchase more nail polish, and perhaps one with glitter.

"And where might that be?" The Leader Asked."

"Big Lots." Itachi answered and with that the Akatsuki members began to laugh menacingly.

**_A/N The more reivews I get the more motivated I will become So If you want me to update everyday then leave a review all reviewers willl recive a cyber hug and a virtua cookie!_**


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